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What To Expect
Growth & Development
The following developmental guidelines apply to most children in this age group. However, each child is an individual and may reach these stages of development earlier or later than other children the same age.
Preteens
Growth & Development
PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT
Most young people ages nine to 12 will:
Experience a growth spurt with significant weight gain, muscle growth, and genital maturation (Growth spurt begins earlier for girls; lasts longer for boys, who end up taller).
Enter puberty, a time when hormones produced in the pituitary gland trigger production of testosterone in males, estrogen/progesterone in females [This usually begins earlier in girls (nine to 12) than in boys (11 to 14).] During puberty—
— Skin becomes oilier and may develop pimples.
— Sweating increases and youth may have body odor.
— Hair grows under arms and on pubis and, in males, on face and chest.
— Body proportions change [hips widen in females, shoulders broaden in males].
— Joints may ache due to rapid growth.
— In females, genitals mature, breasts develop, vaginal lubrication increases, and ovulation and menstrual cycle begin.
COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT
Most young people ages nine to 12 will:
Move toward independence as they progress to middle/junior high school
Continue developing skills in making decisions as they become more independent
Begin to consider future careers and occupations
Shift their school focus from play-centered activities to academics
Begin to look to peers and media for information and advice (friends greatly influence them.)
Develop increasing capability for social conscience and for abstract thought, including understanding complex issues such as poverty and war
Take on increased responsibility, such as family jobs and babysitting
SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT
Most young people ages nine to 12 will:
Want to blend in and not stand out from their peers in any way, particularly as to gender roles and sexuality
Feel concern about outward appearance
Become self-conscious and self-centered
Have ambivalent, conflicting feelings about puberty and sexual desire
Care greatly about relationships with peers, friendships, dating and crushes, and give peers more importance than family
Relate to both same-gender and different-gender peers; may develop sexual feelings for others as a new dimension within relationships
Develop the capacity to understand the components of a caring, loving relationship
Experience feelings of insecurity and begin to doubt self-concept and previous self-confidence. Often experience a significant drop in self-esteem.
Struggle with family relationships and desire privacy and separation from family (They test limits and push for independence.)
Experience mood swings, especially evident in family relationships
Develop romantic feelings and may begin dating
SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT
Most young people ages nine to 12 will:
Have an emerging sense of self as a young adult
Feel conscious of their sexuality and how they express it
Understand jokes with sexual content
Feel concerns about being normal, such as whether it is normal to masturbate, have wet dreams, etc.
Feel anxious about puberty, when it will happen, how it will occur, how to be prepared, etc.
Feel shy about asking questions of caregivers, especially regarding sexuality, and may act like they already know all the answers
Value privacy highly
WHAT FAMILIES NEED TO DO TO RAISE SEXUALLY HEALTHY CHILDREN
To help nine- to 12-year-old youth develop a healthy sexuality, families should:
Help young people understand puberty and the changes they are going through and that these changes, including menstruation and nocturnal emissions (ejaculation), are normal.
Respect young people’s privacy while encouraging open communication.
Convey that growth and maturation rates differ from person to person.
Help young people understand that, while they are maturing physically, they still have lots of emotional and cognitive growth ahead and that sexual intercourse is not healthy, appropriate, or wise at this time in their lives.
Acknowledge that abstinence is normal and healthy, that sexual development is healthy and natural, and that, as they grow older, there will be many ways to express sexuality that do not include sexual intercourse.
Discuss the important relationship between sexual and emotional feelings.
Be open to conversations about contraception and condoms and respond honestly and accurately when young people ask about them.
Compiled by Barbara Huberman, RN, MEd, Former Director of Education and Outreach Updated 2016. ©Advocates for Youth, 2016.
Growth & Development
Teenagers/Young Adults
PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT
Most teens ages 13 to 17 will:
- Complete puberty and the physical transition from childhood to adulthood
- Reach nearly their adult height, especially females (males continue to grow taller into their early twenties.)
COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT
Most teens ages 13 to 17 will:
- Attain cognitive maturity—the ability to make decisions based on knowledge of options and their consequences
- Continue to be influenced by peers (The power of peer pressure lessens after early adolescence.)
- Build skills to become self-sufficient
- Respond to media messages but develop increasing ability to analyze those messages
- Develop increasingly mature relationships with friends and family
- Seek increased power over their own lives
- Learn to drive, increasing their independence
EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT
Most teens ages 13 to 17 will:
- Have the capacity to develop long-lasting, mutual, and healthy relationships, if they have the foundations for this development—trust, positive past experiences, and an understanding of love
- Understand their own feelings and have the ability to analyze why they feel a certain way
- Begin to place less value on appearance and more on personality
SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT
Most teens ages 13 to 17 will:
- Understand that they are sexual and understand the options and consequences of sexual expression
- Choose to express their sexuality in ways that may or may not include shared sexual behaviors
- Recognize the components of healthy and unhealthy relationships
- Have a clear understanding of pregnancy and of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections
- Recognize the impact various media have on cultural views about sex
- Have the capacity to learn about intimate, loving, long-term relationships
- Have an understanding of their own sexual orientation (This is different than sexual behavior)
WHAT FAMILIES NEED TO DO TO RAISE SEXUALLY HEALTHY TEENS
To help teens ages 13 to 17 develop as sexually healthy youth, families should:
- Clearly articulate your family and religious values regarding sexual intercourse. Express that, although sex is pleasurable, young people should wait to initiate sex until they are in a mature, loving, and responsible relationship.
- Express that we all have a variety of options for experiencing intimacy and expressing love.
- Discuss together the factors, including age, mutual consent, protection, contraceptive use, love, intimacy, etc., that you and your teen believe should be a part of decisions about sexual intercourse.
- Reinforce teens’ ability to make decisions while providing information on which they can base those decisions.
- Discuss contraceptive options and talk about the importance of condom use.
- Discuss teens’ options, should unprotected intercourse occur — including emergency contraception and STI testing and treatment. Discuss teens’ options, should pregnancy occur, including abortion, parenting, and adoption.
- Discuss exploitive behavior and why it is unhealthy and (in some cases) illegal.
- Help youth identify various physical and verbal responses to avoid/get away from sexual situations that make them feel uncomfortable.
- Acknowledge that teens have many future life options that some may marry and/or parent while others may remain single and/or childless.
- Use inclusive language that recognizes that some youth may be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.
10 TIPS ON INITIATING
CONVERSATIONS ABOUT GROWTH
Initiating conversations about growth, development, and sexuality may be difficult for some parents because they did not grow up in an environment where the subject was discussed. Some parents may be afraid they do not know the right answers or feel confused about the proper amount of information to offer. To help, consider these 10 tips:
- First, encourage communication by reassuring your children that they can talk with you about anything.
- Take advantage of teachable moments. A friend’s pregnancy, news article, or a TV show can help start a conversation.
- Listen more than you talk. Think about what you’re being asked. Confirm with your child that what you heard is in fact what they meant to ask.
- Don’t jump to conclusions. The fact that a teen asks about sex does not mean they are having or thinking about having sex.
- Answer questions simply and directly. Give factual, honest, short, and simple answers.
- Respect your child’s views. Share your thoughts and values and help your child express theirs.
- Reassure young people that they are normal— as are their questions and thoughts.
- Teach your children ways to make good decisions about sex and coach them on how to get out of risky situations.
- Admit when you don’t know the answer to a question. Suggest the two of you find the answer together online or in the library.
- Discuss that at times your teen may feel more comfortable talking with someone other than you. Together, think of other trusted adults with whom they can talk.
Compiled by Barbara Huberman, RN, MEd, Former Director of Education and Outreach Updated 2016. ©Advocates for Youth, 2016.